


ATTN ALL JEDI

by virdant



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Epistolary, Gen, Humor, Jedi Positivity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:53:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26827657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virdant/pseuds/virdant
Summary: Misinformation abounds throughout the course of the war, and the Jedi Council seek to correct it.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 138
Collections: The Temple Archives





	ATTN ALL JEDI

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes you get summoned to salt town and asked to write a fic and you have no idea why but you oblige because it turns out one only need to be at level 5 friendship to request a scribble.
> 
> anyways, hope everybody had a great jedi positivity weekend!

TO: ALL JEDI  
FROM: HIGH COUNCIL  
SUBJECT: RECENT MISINFORMATION CAMPAIGN

Word has arrived of the recent Separatist Propaganda Campaign Against The Jedi (SPCATJ). As you all know, the Separatists have been increasing their attacks against the Jedi, spreading lies and misinformation in order to sway planets to their side. Our most recent information shows that the Separatists have stepped up on a public relations campaign to smear the Jedi Order by discussing the quality of their underclothes.

Our informants have discovered an extensive campaign discussing the quality of Jedi underclothes, specifically for female mammillary glands. The Separatist Campaign claims the Jedi Order lacks empathy and consideration, as female undergarments lack proper support and cause chafing. In Separatist space, there is a vast increase in holonet searches for scantily clad Jedi. As a reminder, please ensure your personal images are kept safe and secure, as we are in a military campaign and the enemy will use no shortage of underhand tactics to ensure their victory.

We would like to remind all of you that should your current clothing allowance from the Quartermaster does not fit or is not to your liking, you may contact the Quartermaster to find clothing that best fits your fighting style and fashion style. We understand that styles and needs change, and the Quartermaster is available to meet your needs. Should you be unable to return to the Temple, the Quartermaster is also available by holocall and can send you several options to ensure you are comfortable during these difficult times.

We are pleased to announce that we have traced this SPCATJ to its source. This Campaign is the result of Count Dooku, formerly Jedi Master Dooku, who has, in his archival records, a total of 37 formal complaints lodged against the Quartermaster for providing insufficient options, and a total of 56 formal complaints lodged against the Clothing Allowance Accountants for failing to provide enough for Silk Pajamas.

May The Force Be With You,  
Jedi Council

**Author's Note:**

> i'm still not entirely sure why i was asked to scribble this (some hot take that i didn't read) but i was asked to so here it is. /shrugs
> 
> tired of jedi negativity in your life? come @ me (don't @ me):
> 
>   * find me in salt town
>   * Follow me on twitter [@virdant](http://virdant.twitter.com)
>   * [Like & retweet on twitter]()
>   * Comment and kudo below
> 



End file.
